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MY LETTER TO OUR MONSTER
Dated: November 7, 2017

Dear MD:

It’s been 16 years now that we have been together. I think it’s time we set some things straight as we continue this little tea party of yours. I am not made of glass therefore, I am unable to be broken. You tried again today peering out of your shadows and sucking me into your darkness. I have to admit, it was a pretty hard swing. You thought you had me as I laid there crying. And as sure as any coward would, you kicked me when I was down muting my world completely. What you didn’t know was this…You were not a choice but how I handle you is! So while I was on the floor I thought of my children. You can’t take my memory of their smiles and guess what? I could actually hear their laughter as I recalled just exactly why you will never win. I live for them. You weren’t expecting that left hook when I got up and made it to the bathroom in time to get rid of you from the very pit of my stomach, huh? Or that right hook when I took a nap. You think napping is defeat? No, that’s how we have to fight sometimes. Then I gave you a roundhouse kick as I did a load of laundry, mopped the kitchen floor, answered my texts and PMs and managed to get a shower unscathed by your taunting. I want you to know that you cannot have my life, no matter how hard you try to take it. If you want twelve rounds of throw down, so be it. I’d rather not but let’s be honest, you’re a bully. Every single time you knock me down, I will get back up. Nobody is allowed to ring that damn bell and you will never knock me out! She who says can and she who says she can’t are both right. I can and I will show you just how great I am, with or without your cooperation. I hope it crushes you that I inspired 189 of your victims yesterday while you attempted to bury my own soul in self pity. Guess what? I have just begun. Your cure is unknown but I have figured out how to fight you and I will not stop. Pain and symptoms of you come and go but mentally you can beat me to my knees and make it permanent if I let you. I can’t win every physical battle but I can’t be afraid to make decisions trying so I won’t. All these years of facing fears and crying tears have made me stronger so, thank you for getting something right. My biggest fear will no longer be that I am inadequate. It will be that I am powerful beyond measure. I’ve made a choice and I chose to be happy no matter how many times I must face you in that ring called life. I can lay here and get the crap kicked out of me or I can find my way back into the light and climb out of your hell. What I am trying to say is you may never leave me but I’m leaving you.

Sincerely NEVER yours,
Gina
PS. I did my hair and makeup today just to piss you off!

❤INSPIRATION:

Three years ago, I replanted this part of my flower bed because the flower I loved just stopped growing. I didn’t realize the plant in place of it was not really to my liking. The more it grew over the years, the worse it got in my eyes and the more I missed that pretty pink lily blooming.

Today, I woke up and started watering all the flower beds. To my surprise, there was the Lily blooming so beautifully through the ugliness. I could not believe, even after ripping up this whole section, there it was three years later as gorgeous as ever.

Made me think; I must have not ripped out the roots. But, what does this have to do with Diseases involving vertigo?

I remember my first 3 years of diagnosis with Meniere’s Disease. I went from what I considered blooming to replaced with a bunch of ugliness. I was struggling horribly. Nobody had direct answers, we couldn’t find a med combo that worked for me (we are all the same but different), I had vertigo constantly, I had to leave my job, I lost so called friends, I gained weight, I was going deaf, and I lost myself in the process. My life was just taken from me as I knew it. I gave up and let it all define who I was. Just like the pink flower, I was gone and something else took my place. I let it overcome me.

It’s obvious, this pink beauty didn’t give up, did it? It must have been slowly growing over the past few years between the crazy ugliness and I just didn’t notice. Guess its roots were stronger than the destruction. Are you with me here?

Your condition is very hard but, it does not define who you are. If you have strong roots, you will prevail! It will take time. You will have struggles, obstacles and a mess all around you but, you can bloom again! It’s in the darkness that you find your light to shine.

17 years bilateral Menieres with vertigo now for me. I never stopped fighting. I tell people all the time that resting is a part of the fight too.

Don’t ever give up! Nobody is going to go as hard for you as YOU! Be the pink Lily. Grow in knowledge, stay positive in the mind and BLOOM again! ❤

~Gina Marie

Dear MD:

Every morning when my feet hit the floor, I want to hear you say, “Oh crap! She’s up!”. You have taken so much from me and I’m sure you feel some sense of pride. Only a bully picks and preys on the weak. Well, Im not even a bit apologetic when I say, “I’m not the one to be truffled with”. Just like any coward, you suckered punched me trying to get my children ready for school. No doubt it was a hard hit, spinning the room so quickly. However, you never expected me to hold on, breath and then throw a roundhouse kick by still getting them off to school. Being angry with me, you knocked me to the floor as soon as I got home. In those moments, I had time to think though. You’ve had me in this position before. I remember the days I use to give up and let you win. I want you to know…those days are over. The up kick I threw knocked you back to your place of hell as I not only got up; I cleaned up breakfast while dizzy just to spite you. You remind me of a nagging ex that just won’t go away. It’s so pathetic to be honest. I know you saw my tears drop as I cried out to my God “just make it stop!”. You figured what a perfect time to try and finish me for the day. You threw a hard combo..My ears got loud, my head hurt and I tobbled a bit. Impressive. Not! I giggle now as I took all those hits YET, I didn’t get knocked out. You see, you can knock me down but you will never knock me out. It will be you who rings the bell, not me. With that, enjoy my throat punch that ended the fight. My couch is so comfy and I will fight by resting. It’s a beautiful day for a movie anyway, so thank you. There are many things you will take and many things I can’t control. The one thing I will never give you is my life. You can’t have my positive mind or my beautiful soul. Sorry to disappoint your pride. On that note, please understand this is my ring, my fight and I will always win. Im just sitting in the corner of that ring getting cleaned up for the next round. See you soon.

Never truly yours,

Gina

My website is still under construction. Please be patient while I am building my dream.

Gina Marie

In a world that doesn’t stop moving, with a disease that doesn’t stop spinning, wandering in a mind that can’t stay focused, centered around people who don’t understand….
just BE STILL. ❤

💥Remember, all of it is real. But, none of it defines who you are.

You’re a warrior. Own it!

~Gina Marie

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton