My First Letter to Menieres

MY LETTER TO OUR MONSTER
Dated: November 7, 2017

Dear MD:

It’s been 16 years now that we have been together. I think it’s time we set some things straight as we continue this little tea party of yours. I am not made of glass therefore, I am unable to be broken. You tried again today peering out of your shadows and sucking me into your darkness. I have to admit, it was a pretty hard swing. You thought you had me as I laid there crying. And as sure as any coward would, you kicked me when I was down muting my world completely. What you didn’t know was this…You were not a choice but how I handle you is! So while I was on the floor I thought of my children. You can’t take my memory of their smiles and guess what? I could actually hear their laughter as I recalled just exactly why you will never win. I live for them. You weren’t expecting that left hook when I got up and made it to the bathroom in time to get rid of you from the very pit of my stomach, huh? Or that right hook when I took a nap. You think napping is defeat? No, that’s how we have to fight sometimes. Then I gave you a roundhouse kick as I did a load of laundry, mopped the kitchen floor, answered my texts and PMs and managed to get a shower unscathed by your taunting. I want you to know that you cannot have my life, no matter how hard you try to take it. If you want twelve rounds of throw down, so be it. I’d rather not but let’s be honest, you’re a bully. Every single time you knock me down, I will get back up. Nobody is allowed to ring that damn bell and you will never knock me out! She who says can and she who says she can’t are both right. I can and I will show you just how great I am, with or without your cooperation. I hope it crushes you that I inspired 189 of your victims yesterday while you attempted to bury my own soul in self pity. Guess what? I have just begun. Your cure is unknown but I have figured out how to fight you and I will not stop. Pain and symptoms of you come and go but mentally you can beat me to my knees and make it permanent if I let you. I can’t win every physical battle but I can’t be afraid to make decisions trying so I won’t. All these years of facing fears and crying tears have made me stronger so, thank you for getting something right. My biggest fear will no longer be that I am inadequate. It will be that I am powerful beyond measure. I’ve made a choice and I chose to be happy no matter how many times I must face you in that ring called life. I can lay here and get the crap kicked out of me or I can find my way back into the light and climb out of your hell. What I am trying to say is you may never leave me but I’m leaving you.

Sincerely NEVER yours,
Gina
PS. I did my hair and makeup today just to piss you off!