The Glimmer of Gold

Even the most inspirational people struggle with life. The truth is though, we have trouble following our own guidance that we offer to others. In the last few months, my life has just taken way too many hits. I knew my hearing was declining from the stress and so many small menieres attacks. Being completely deaf in my left ear and only 30 percent hearing in the right; I was devestated when I sat down to review my health with my specialist. I am not his worst case however, I am by far the most progressive. One big attack and basically this disease can take what’s left of my hearing. No stress is the prescription. I never laughed so hard through sorrowed tears in my life as I sat in my car processing the news. So many things went through my head. He must not know I’m an Eagles fan. {giggles}.

I had finally fell into a deep sleep last night. First time in over a week. I was awoken by the barking of my three pitbulls. I sat up slowly and listened. When I heard the alpha growl in between barks, I knew someone was either right outside or inside my home already. Dan had taught me a long time ago how to protect this home and my children. Living in the 2nd deadliest city per capita, it’s something we went over many times. I remember telling him that if it ever happened, I would surely freeze and forget something important. He told me, “if it happens, you won’t even think. Your body will respond without even going through the steps I taught you.” He was right. My adrenaline kicked in and there was no second guessing myself or my trusted friend in my hands. Even when I saw the glimmer of gold fly up in the air, I didn’t panic. Subconsciously I knew what that meant. “Now you have 8 attempts instead of 9”.

You can breathe now. Apparently our water authority does maintence on the hydrants at 2am in the morning. Three doggie treats later, there was no going back to sleep. Not only does the fear you held in kick up full force; you start to think real clear about your life. Piece by piece, all the problems I have been facing, didn’t seem so overwhelming. I wrote them all down and one by one, I made a decision on what I wanted. I wrote the issue, the resolution, the goal, and realistic expectations on how to execute each one. I may be exhausted right now but, I feel at peace with myself again.

As I now sit here with my coffee writing, I think of Rebecca. She joined our facebook group, Meniere’s and Vertigo Without Borders, a few months ago and reached out to me. Her Meniere’s Disease had really turned it’s ugly head however, I sensed something more. I eventually found out my intuition was right. She was in a mentally, verbally and emotionally abusive marriage. We became very close until the beginning of August when I had to place my attention elsewhere to prioritize. The last thing I heard privately from her was, “I have $14 dollars in the bank and I’m sleeping on a couch in another house. I’m going to do a Gina Marie”. Rebecca posted in our group a few weeks later. She had packed up what she could, found what she needed and fled from Alabama. She is now safe and happy on a beach in Florida. Do you realize how much courage that must have taken? She saw a dream and she just left everything and went for it! She had no idea, when she jumped off that ledge, whether she would fall on her face or finally fly free. She believed in herself, she saw her chance and she took it. She didn’t “pull a Gina Marie”. She “pulled a Rebecca” and I couldn’t be more proud of her.

Life is about chances and decisions. I know a couple right now and it blows my mind that so many people stay in places they know they don’t belong. She’s happy to stay with a man who tells another woman he loves her, knowing her manipulation made him stay. He is staying planning to sell things because it’s cheaper to keep her. He’s also staying with a woman who cheated, lied and made him feel guilty enough to stay using their son as a pawn. I know their ending. Its ugly and painful. One of them should chose reality and happiness. Maybe one, or both, should “pull a Rebecca“.

What’s the point here? Let me bring this all together for you. Being scared like I was this morning puts many things into perspective. If it wasn’t the water company, and I didn’t make it; how did I spend my last day here in this crazy world? Sad, defeated, worried, and heart broken is the way I would have gone out. I’ve survived too much for that to ever be the case. Make every single day count. Look for solutions instead of drowning in your problems. Chase your dreams, not people who can’t see what they have in you. Believe in yourself instead of the twisted reality of others. Build on truth and honesty of who you are and what you want because that’s where your happiness is waiting. Be willing at any moment, to sacrafice where you are, for where you truly want to be. If you want to fly, you have to let go. Do exactly that. #frsj

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