Little Blue Riding Hood

Instead of counting sheep to get rest, I was counting wolves. I struggled yesterday with life more than Menieres. As I’ve said before, life does not discriminate. It does not say, “she/he has Menieres so I’m going to give a free pass”. In fact, because we suffer from vertigo conditions, life hits us even harder.

With barely any sleep and a very heavy heart, I wasn’t even going to write today. I checked my phone for an important text/call I had been waiting for and I woke up to nothing. After yesterdays events as a whole, this was a bit devestating to say the least. As I sip my coffee and begin to write, I can’t help now but to think of Little Red Riding Hood.

Here she was enjoying her little journey, smelling the flowers and enjoying the weather; she never even noticed the black shadow creeping up on her. Stop right there. Totally off the subject, as a mother, I wonder why in the hell this little girl was allowed to walk the woods by herself at that age? What kind of mother just sends their kid off in the woods with a basket? I have a few words for this lady. Okay, back to the story and anology here.

How many of you have experienced this in life? A great day of high energy and loving life. A day where you figuratively stopped to smell the flowers and literally enjoyed the nice weather making for a fantastic day. Out of nowhere, the dark shadows of life’s problems or maybe even an attack came lurking in the darkness. That was me yesterday.

The wolf startles her and asks her nicely where she is going. She replies to her grandmother’s house, excuses herself and quickly runs through the woods. Stop again. I’m sorry but, I really want to put this little girl over my knee! She totally disregarded everything her mother said and now she’s talking to a wolf and telling him where she is going! I feel like calling Children Services on this family. (You have to giggle if you really think about it)

How many of you have done this though? Let’s relate the story. The shadow presents itself and we run. Whether it was finances, relationships, parenting troubles, disappointments, or even our health issues; it’s easier emotionally sometimes to run from the hurt and fear then to face it. However, running gets you nowhere except to grandma’s house. You know the next part of the story. All your problems are still waiting there, just like the wolf was in the plot.

So the wolf took a shortcut and knocked on granny’s door. He acts like her granddaughter and she lets him in only to be gobbled up. Stop again! Why in gods name would an elderly woman open the door after she suspects its not her granddaughter! Doesn’t she have television!? Doesn’t she watch the news? “Unsolved Mysteries”, lady! You’re the next episode. Now there’s a homicide and this is a children’s tale!? This family needs some safety tips.

Anyway, now Little Red Riding Hood goes in, finds out it’s the wolf and not granny, and runs screaming. You know you’ve been there. All your problems were still there after running and most likely, you’ve been deceived as well at one point or another. Whether by someone else or even yourself. Sometimes things in life are so hard to face that we manipulate ourselves so they fit into our own twisted reality.

Back to our story. A woodsman hears her cry for help, he comes running, makes the wolf spit out granny and he knocks the wolf out. He places the wolf deep in the woods so he can no longer bother anybody. Little Red Riding Hood apparently learns her lesson and her and granny then have a nice lunch.

Stop! This is the most unrealistic ending ever. I almost don’t even know how to work with this now. I feel like I need to seriously process this entire story in order to continue writing this piece.

Actually, what a great thought; time to process what happened. I think we all need that in life. Let me be the woodman for a moment and throw your struggles in the woods. Just remember eventually they will find their way back and you will have to handle them. Hopefully, I can help you enough by then to at least deal with them a bit better.

Even though the story is so far from reality, there’s much we can learn. Go back to the beginning. People are going to make mistakes in your life. Some people in your life are wicked and some are just weak. Some will unintentionally hurt you and some will truly throw you to the wolves. It’s up to you to be able to decipher who is who in your life. It’s not easy and it’s even harder to let go of people that hurt you. You must surround yourself with supportive people with the right intentions. If they are wicked, they need to go. If they are weak (mean no harm but cause harm), they need to be kept at arms length from you.

Don’t run from the dark shadow. I understand the frustration of having a great day then experiencing a drop attack or opening the late bill notice, being hurt by someone you love, having someone betray your trust, dealing with an unruly teen, and the list of life’s troubles can go on and on. If you run, surely they will still be there to face at some point. Meanwhile, you’ll be like a sitting duck feeling overwhelmed and depressed. I’ve been there too. Inspiring or not, I am human. I think that’s why I get so exhausted. I take it all on at once. If there is a problem that arrises in my life; I immediate think of solutions and try to resolve it off my plate. I suggest you don’t do this. Write down a list of what you’re facing and take one thing at a time to handle.

Everyone in this fairytale made mistakes. You will too. When you reach out for help, hopefully you’ll have a woodman (support person) close enough to hear and assist you. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help. But what do you do if nobody’s around or your woodman fails you. Well, there’s a saying I love: “You gonna cry or are you gonna boss up? First of all, I’m going to do both.” It’s okay to cry. It cleanses the soul and makes you stronger. However, you can’t stay there. Nobody is ever going to go as hard for you as YOU! People and life are going to disappoint you so learn to trust yourself and boss up.

Remember it’s okay to make mistakes as long as you learn from them. Take one problem at a time. Whether it’s life or your illness, it’s all about trial and error. My favorite thing I tell my followers is, “you’ll be okay, just not today”. Balance yourself. Rest when you need it. Fight when you have to and LIVE! No matter what you would have done differently in life has no bearing on now. You still would have gotten your illness and life still would have kept hitting. Stop looking back; the journey is moving forward with or without your cooperation. So, you might as well kick butt and enjoy it. Bottom line, you determine your own happiness.

Yesterday was complete hell for me. It’s been a long time since I had a PTSD attack. I was scared, devestated and let down by someone I depend on. I felt disregarded, I felt unloved and I felt alone. I went to bed unsettled and reliving a past that once broke me and woke up this morning without that important message/call. In the last four years, I have faced more pain then I can even begin to explain to my readers. But there’s a big difference between getting hurt by your enemies versus being hurt by people you’ve grown to trust. I started to cry and let that disappointment make me feel worthless until I checked my private facebook messages:

“Your comments on the grief process makes sense. I will look up the articles you mentioned and read them. You are very encouraging and I am grateful that you are doing what you are doing. If you have any more advise or words of encouragement they’re greatly appreciated. Because you truly get it in some ways you are better than a therapist and I truly believe that God had guided you to be doing what you’re doing. Thank you.”

A stranger I started helping, reaching for help with kind words, has no idea that it was actually her message that helped me this morning. ‘Anne’ has been feeling down, a bit worthless and is struggling with self hate. All things normal of this damn disease and life. So now I have a choice. I can keep feeling resentful towards what happened to me and let it destroy my day or I can help Anne and make a difference.

Dear Anne,

Thank you for your private message and kind words. You have no idea how much you inspired me. It is because of you I decided to write today instead of staying in the self pity zone.

A therapist once explained something called ‘red dress syndrome’. This is when things or people in our life cause us to second guess our worth, or feel maybe if we would have worn the red dress instead of blue, we would have been worthy and loved. In reality, it doesn’t matter which dress color you chose. There’s something wrong with them, not you. I doubt if Little Red Riding Hood would have worn a blue cape that the story would have changed. If you don’t respect and love yourself, nobody else will either. So wear what you want and wear it like a boss, because it doesn’t matter at the end of your journey. What will matter is how you treated yourself and how you allowed or didn’t allow how people treated you. Life made no promises to us. There’s no guarentees. But, if you laugh a little and live a lot, you’ll find your way out of the darkness and into the light. I hope you can manage to do as I suggested last night and change your thinking. Have a great day no matter what life throws. I know I am because I’m worth it. If you get thrown to the wolves, make sure you come back leading the pack.

Sincerely yours,

Gina